


The Noel Chronicles

by mischiefreblogged



Series: The Klory Chronicles [2]
Category: Glee
Genre: Future Fic, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-30
Updated: 2012-08-30
Packaged: 2017-11-13 05:33:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/500044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mischiefreblogged/pseuds/mischiefreblogged
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stories about Rory's older brother Noel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Quiet Prayers

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter takes place in-tandem with Interlude from The Rory Chronicles.

Noel Hummel-Anderson is spiritual. It’s not something he was born with or raised in, in fact he came to it late in life, but it’s important to him none the less. 

 

At first it was sort of a joke. Dad had thought it was  _ridiculous_  of him to take the Religions class as an elective. And Noel had taken it just to show his father that he didn’t know everything and because he liked to see Kurt get flustered when he brought the first few assignments home.  But as the class progressed, Noel began to find it soothing and had found a certain peace that he’d never really experienced before. He wasn’t sure what he liked best, but all the prayers had a melodic rhythm to them and the words were never evil or mean spirited, they were all comforting, like a quilt on a cold day. 

The part where he believed in God came after the class was over and the void needed filling again. 

He didn’t go to Mass all the time, and he only went to the large Catholic church because that was where some of his friends went (and Rory some times, especially if Noel was singing that week with the choir). Everything about it was just Noel’s quiet rebellion. 

Dad went from being annoyed by it to hating it. He hated that Noel put himself in a place where he was surrounded by people who thought he was sinful for things he had no control over. For things that he and Papa had chosen to involve Noel just by existing as a child of two gay dads. 

Noel didn’t see it that way. He saw a lot of love and acceptance and a sense of peace. Yes, there were people who believed his fathers were sinful because they were men, but he liked to believe that when he went to church and held doors open for those old prejudice ladies that maybe they could see that having two dads wasn’t a bad thing. 

Like that time when the organ player at church one Sunday said she didn’t understand why anyone would let gays have children, he’d turned to her and, as nicely as he could, tore her logically limb from limb with facts, statistics and anecdotes and ended with the fact that his parents are perfect thank you very much and that he is very proud to be the son of two successful men who love him and his brother and his sister. 

He doesn’t remember exactly what he said, but he was assured that “well-rounded individual” and “sodomy” were used at least twice and once in conjunction. 

And yes, Noel’s said some pretty stupid things to his dad about religion. He’s slammed his door and declared that the Lord was his father now. He’s threatened to run away and become a priest or a monk. But he doesn’t really mean any of it. 

He does however, mean it when he goes to the tiny chapel at the hospital and squeezes his eyes shut because he just watched his brother collapse on a sidewalk in Soho and it’s been nearly an hour that they’ve been here and Rory shows no signs of regaining consciousness. 

He’s glad he’s got religion now, because he feels useless. 

Katy’s sitting beside him, her breathing still short and panicked, like she’s not quite sure which way is up and which is down. Her face is scrunched and flushed and her face looks raw where the tear tracts have formed.

“Katy,” he says softly. “Stop.”  

She looks at him and swallows visibly, scooting just an inch closer to him. 

“Just put your hands together and bow your head,” he guides her softly. 

“What are we doing?” Katy asks in a whisper. 

“Praying,” Noel says. 

“But why?” Katy’s been raised like he was, to believe in family, that familial love is the highest power, the thing most sacred. 

“Because what else are we going to do?” Noel admits. 

“Noel your hands are shaking,” Katy says softly. 

He doesn’t blame her for not totally getting the gravity of the situation, why he _needs_  to pray right now. He’s 16, she’s 10. He and Rory were raised practically twins (Irish twins, 11 months apart, same surrogate, the same they’ve all been blessed to have). He understands very painfully the idea that Rory isn’t here right now. 

He tries not to mention it too much, lest Rory get an ego, but they balance each other. Noel can be dramatic. He doesn’t mind winding Kurt up or frustrating Blaine. He tests his boundaries by pushing. Rory is a pleaser, always trying to smooth things out between everyone. He’s the one that takes the dog for a walk if someone forgets even if it’s not his turn and the one who helps Katy with her solos no matter how many times she wants to practice.  

If Rory were here, he’d have closed his eyes and prayed with Noel because he would know that’s what Noel needed. Or he would go get Noel something to drink, something to hold between his hands so the shaking would subside and he could think. 

“I want to go back upstairs,” Katy says. “I don’t want to pray, I want Papa and Daddy.” She wraps her arms around herself. “Noel take me back upstairs.” 

“What are we going to do upstairs?” he asks her, trying not to lose his temper with her. She can’t help it, she’s as helpless as him. 

“I don’t know,” Katy says. “Sing.” she amends a few seconds later. “I want to go sit with Rory.” 

“You can’t,” Noel says. “You’re too young.” 

“Well that’s dumb,” Katy retorts. 

“So is singing at a hospital,” Noel replies, and regrets it instantly. Katy’s eyes get a little wider and her eyes get watery all over again. He looks away from her and rolls his shoulder, desperate to relieve some of the tension in them. 

“Come on, we’re going upstairs,”  he tells her, standing. He lights a candle at the little votive station the chapel has set up and motions for Katy to follow.  

“Blow the candles out, feels like a solo tonight…” Katy warbles as she passes it. 

“No,” Noel says. “Only happy songs.” 

“Aunt Rachel says that sad song are good.” Katy tells him, reaching out to take his hand. 

“Sometimes Aunt Rachel is wrong,” Noel says. “You’ll learn.” 

Katy swings his hand gently as they walk. “I can’t think of any happy songs when I’m sad,” she tells him. 

“Me either.” Noel admits. He presses the up button on the elevator, which opens almost instantly. 

“Hold the door!” they hear as they step inside. Noel watches as his Aunt Rachel skitters across the tiled floors, looking half wild. He glances down at his watch and realizes she must have literally run here from her matinee’s curtain call. 

Katy practically falls into her arms, she hugs Rachel tightly and sniffles. 

“It’s okay, baby,” Rachel says, wrapping a free arm around Noel. “It’s okay,” she smooths Noel’s hair back and kisses his forehead. “I just talked to Brittany and Santana. They said he just fainted, right, that’s okay, it’s not too bad.” 

Noel sighs and rests his head against hers. “We were just going to brunch,” he says. “We don’t know what happened.” 

Less than 5 hours had gone by, but it all felt like years ago now. Brittany and Santana were in the city with Sugar, who’d disappeared that morning without so much as a warning where she’d be all day. Uncle Finn had been meeting with them for brunch and invited Kurt and Blaine and the kids along and then just after they’d all met up, Rory had fainted. 

Rachel nods and leads them both gently off the elevator. Uncle Finn has pressed himself into a dinky chair, which looks like it’s beginning to bend to fit his body now. He’s on the phone, Noel guesses with Grandma Carole and Grandpa Burt, and his foot is tapping a frantic rhythm on the tiles which sets Noel’s teeth on edge.

“Rach is here, I’m gonna go and I’ll call you back if something happens. Yeah, I’m watching out for Kurt, don’t worry Burt.” he says softly. He slides the phone back into his pocket and hugs Rachel, squishing Katy and Noel slightly between them. 

Katy latches onto Finn, wrapping both her arms as far around him as they’ll go. “I want Daddy or Papa,” she says sadly. 

“I think that they want to sit with Rory right now,” Finn tell her. “But I can see if we can go in.” He hugs her back just as tightly, guiding her over to the nurses station.

Aunt Rachel looks at Noel, smoothing his hair down. “Were you praying?” she asks softly. When he nods she smiles softly. “You know when your Grandpa had his first heart attack we had this big prayer circle type thing for him,” she tells him informatively. “Well we sang and prayed. Mercedes, Quinn and I,” she added. “Different denominations and religions, we figured someone would listen. I sang from Yentl,” she pauses and looks around, leaning in to Noel conspiratorially. “Your dad was _so_  mad.” 

Noel feels his lips tug into a smile without his permission. “He was pretty mad at me for wanting to go downstairs.”

Rachel smiles. “If he wasn’t I’d be a lot more concerned,” she says honestly. She strokes his hair a few more times, staring down the hallway. She spots Papa only seconds before Noel does. He’s not fully out of Rory’s room, just his head and he’s looking up and down the hall.

“Papa!” Noel says quickly, which gets Katy’s attention over at the nurses section and soon both of them are racing down the hallway towards him.

“Nurse!” Blaine calls out and there’s a dinging noise from the light above Rory’s room. A cold swell of fear rises in Noel’s chest as he nearly collides with his sister.


	2. Prejudice and Circumstance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noel Hummel-Anderson never wanted to upset his parents. He just wanted them to come hear him sing at church.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place prior to Rory's McKinley 2012 Adventure.

He never wanted to upset his parents. He just wanted them to come hear him sing at church.

It’s not that it was his first solo or a big competition. In fact it really wasn’t about the singing at all in the end because all Noel had wanted to do was show his dads that the Church wasn’t some terrible place filling his head with strange ideas like they always suspected. 

(That wasn’t true either. Blaine rarely said anything about it one way or another. He was bothered by Noel being surrounded by people who couldn’t support him, but he wasn’t mad at Noel for believing – at least not to his face. It was Kurt who was vocal and exasperated every time Noel brought it up.)

Rory had told him to leave it alone. He pointed out that Dad didn’t bother Aunt Mercedes about going to church or harass Quinn and in turn they didn’t throw it in his face (how Rory has any idea about what Quinn Fabray does or doesn’t do, Noel has no idea). However, Noel wasn’t interested in leaving it alone, he wanted to know unequivocally that when his parents told him they loved him unconditionally, it was true. 

He wore them down over the course of three weeks.

Palm Sunday finds them downstairs in an appropriate outfit – and for someone who abhors religion, Kurt has a whole wardrobe full of Sunday Bests. Rory and Katy agree to come along as well, but Noel suspects that Rory intends to play referee and Katy has no choice but to come because she’s nine and can’t be left alone. They leave the house in good time and Kurt even insists of coming back with Noel to fuss with his choir gown.

His solo piece,  _Lord of the Dance_ , is the last good thing about that day.

It’s nothing that his family does wrong beyond being themselves. Noel knows; he watches them. They stand and sing and even kneel when they’re supposed to, Rory guiding them through the motions with only the subtlest of cues. 

Noel sees the looks, too. It’s mostly the older patrons, but not always. He catches the darting eyes and the open stares all of them seem to be judging his fathers before they even had the chance to talk to them. He shifts uncomfortably on the choir bench, the robes now heavy, weighing down as a small ball of despair settles in his stomach. His dad was right. Alone, no one judges Noel because you can’t tell. Being the son of gay men doesn’t show anywhere on your skin or in your face. Most of the same people who are glaring, literally glaring, at Kurt and Blaine (and Katy who’s wedged herself happily between them) are the same ones who have complimented him on his singing voice or how he wears such nice clothing. 

He decides they’re not staying for coffee hour afterwards and he really tries to stick to that plan. He and Rory keep trying to corral their parents towards the door, but Katy sees a friend from school and is roped into a game of tag in the attached gym and the choir leader descends on Kurt and Blaine like a hawk as soon as she spots them, praising Noel and cajoling them to let Rory join the choir as well.  

Just when Noel has gotten them free, Mrs. Bennet, Noel’s absolute favourite parishioner corners them, her wrinkled hands clamped around Noel’s arm, as she goes on and on in her wafer thin voice about how much she loves Noel and how he’s such an example to society. Kurt is instantly enchanted with her and is about to offer to take her out to lunch when the whispers finally reach their ears. 

_“What are they doing here?”_

_“Did you—”_

_“Yeah, yeah, I know.”_

_“It’s awful.”_

_“I know, to show up here—”_

_“Right?!”_

_“It’s disrespectful.”_

_“Exactly.”_

Noel can see his dads assessing the situation. The whispers trail around the room, seeming to travel lightning fast. They’re everywhere and nowhere all at once. Noel has the most uncomfortable feeling, like everyone there is talking about them, watching them all at once. He knows it’s wrong, he can hear Debbie talking about the new cooking group she is starting and the Reverend in the corner is talking seriously about the readings for next week.

“We should go.” Blaine’s hand hovers over Kurt’s shoulder, his eyes firm and comforting, looking at Noel. “Rory, go grab Katy, you can see if her friend wants to come over for a play date” 

Rory nods and darts off. “Come on,” Noel says. “We can go out the back and wait for them there.” He feels heat crawling up his face like this is a test and he’s failed. He can’t even look at Kurt right now. 

He leads them out the back towards the gym, past the tiny kitchen. 

“Noel’s father was here today?” they hear as they pass by the open door. 

“Yes with his…partner. It’s a shame. I don’t think he even knows his mother.” 

Noel chances another glance at Kurt and Blaine. Kurt looks like he’s going to explode. His face only gets tight like that when he is about to cry or fly into a blind rage, his face screwed up between both emotions. Noel bites his lip and doubles back, popping his head just past the door frame. 

“Hi, Mrs. Martinez,” he says with forced happiness, his dads hovering behind him, worried.

When she sees who heard her words her eyes bug wide and she has the decency to blush with embarrassment.

“Thanks for the coffee.” He hands her their cups. “Have a great Sunday and God Bless.”

Kurt doesn’t talk on the way home, or for a few hours after that. Blaine’s not much better, he just keeps looking at Noel with these strange sad eyes and the guilt settles into his stomach like hot lead. Eventually he can’t take it an more and just crawls into bed with the dog, cocooning himself in his blankets and not caring that it’s not even 4 in the afternoon. 

At least Seamus isn’t judging him. He’s never felt so judged in his life. At home, at church, everywhere for things he can’t change about himself. He can’t not believe in God just like he can’t change the fact that he has two dads and no mom and actually prefers it that way. 

He wishes today he’d had the courage. Normally he’s the first to stand up and say something, the first to declare that he’s got two dads who love him so much sometimes he thinks he’s going to wake up smothered by it. His friends at school have this running joke, that Noel will find a way to work his dads into any conversation and he can’t help it really, he’s just so fucking proud to be their son – not that he would let Kurt know that most days.

Lying on his back in bed, Seamus’ quiet panting the only noise in the room, he contemplates going back to church and having it out with everyone, to just degrade them for their bigotry as much as they degraded his family with their words. But he knows that everyone will have gone home and it’s just too late. He can’t take the hurt back from behind Kurt’s eyes. 

He lies there wallowing for a while, the sun shifting lower and lower in the sky. At some point there’s a knock on his door and he tries to ignore it, but the knocker doesn’t go away, just waits another few minutes and knocks again. He suspects it’s not Katy or Rory, who don’t care enough about whether or not he’d want visitors. Rory treats this room like it’s his own and Katy is too young, too full of herself, to have the courtesy to understand that Noel might not want someone to wallow with. 

Finally on the ninth knock he gives in and grunts his approval with a terse “What?”

He doesn’t look up. He expects Blaine because it’s Blaine who would try to rationalize the situation. He waits until his father sits down beside him and places a hand on his back through the blankets before he says anything. 

“I don’t want to talk about it, Papa.” 

“Alright, so we won’t talk about it with Papa.” Kurt’s tone is gentle with just a slight hint of teasing.  

Noel rolls over, honestly surprised that it’s his Dad there instead. He sits up, unsettling the blankets and earning a low bark of disapproval from the dog cocooned with him.

“I’m sorry.” He curls up on himself. “I really didn’t think—no one’s really ever said anything like that around me before there—not if they know I’m around and I just thought…thought that they would…” he realizes as he says the words that he doesn’t know what he thought the other parishioners would do. Did he really think that today, magically, old prejudices would fade into oblivion?

“You don’t need to apologize.” Kurt relaxes his posture on the bed but doesn’t touch him. Blaine is the physical parent, initiating contact without approval or warning. Kurt lets you know it’s there, but doesn’t force the issue. 

Noel’s an Anderson through and through, though, and takes affection when he can get it. It might get him in trouble later, like it does for his Uncle Cooper, or it could work in his favour as it did for his father. All he knows right now is that he just wants to curl up like a little boy in his dad’s arms until the world stops being such a stupid place. He shifts and curls himself into his Dad and leans his head against Kurt’s shoulder. 

They sit in silence a little while and it’s like Noel’s hearing the house for the first time this afternoon. It’s not silent, just quiet, drained as he is from the morning. He can hear Katy downstairs at the piano (it’s not Rory, who can’t play the piano despite two excellent teachers, or Blaine who’s playing is far more proficient) pounding out what sounds like it might be from Annie. 

“I’ve been dealing with this for a long time.” Kurt sounds as if he’s been trying to think of the right words for hours and that upsets Noel even more. “It’s not the first time or the last time I’m going to hear it either. I’m used to it, so is Papa. It’s just part of life.” 

Noel knows the reality, knows that prejudice exists and will continue to exist because there are people who will never learn, never grow, never understand. He’s never going to get used to it and it’ll never stop making him feel sick. 

“When did it start?” He doesn’t know why he’s asking, but they talk about it so rarely, beyond the concern that any of the kids are falling victim to the same harassment they experienced in their youth. 

“In general, always.” Kurt shrugs. “I preferred the company of girls over boys, abhorred organized sports despite my natural talents, and liked clothes. It got worse when I wouldn’t conform quietly. But I had to be me.” He pauses. “I remember when it was at its worst that I went to my dad and asked why. It was the first time it had frustrated me to that point. I’d been thrown into dumpsters, had my bedroom called faggy by someone I thought was my friend and was in the most hated club in school, but not getting to sing a duet with someone for fear of their reputation was one of many straws that broke the camel’s back.” 

“Did Grandpa have an answer?” Noel can’t imagine that he didn’t. His grandfather always knows exactly what to say.

“No. He just said that I had to be patient.” Kurt smiles faintly and lets out a tiny laugh. “It’s odd because I didn’t have to be  _that_  patient, in the end. I met Blaine almost right after that.” He puts the hand with his wedding ring to his lips and shakes his head. 

Noel doesn’t understand how he can find comfort in that fact because he knows that meeting Blaine hadn’t stopped the bullying or the whispers behind their backs. He thinks bitterly that it probably intensified them. 

“I’m not going back.” He decides in an instant, and he knows the words are from a place of anger, but that’s just it. He’s angry and he can’t go to a church that makes him angry because what use is that. 

“No.  _We_  are going to go back.” Kurt places a hand gently on the side of Noel’s head. “We don’t run away from somewhere we want to be because a few people decide to chase us out. What good does that do? Then they win.”

He has a point. Noel knows it’s not the church, or the pastor, Mrs. Bennet, Debbie or even the choir that upsets him. He has friends there from school and the youth group as well. “You shouldn’t have to go back though.” He looks at Kurt and notices that there’s no pain behind his eyes. In fact, he’s smiling at Noel, proud and unfiltered. 

“What did I just say about running,” he reprimands gently. “We don’t. Especially when delightful old ladies are kind enough to collectively scold a congregation on our behalf.” 

Noel’s own eyes light up in response. “Mrs. Bennet?” he can almost see her in her vintage Vogue dress, cane waving wildly in the air accentuating each and every one of her points. 

“The very same.” Kurt gives him a sideways hug. “So, Easter Sunday shall we try again? I’m sure I can ignore the unlikelihood of someone rising from the dead after three days to hear you sing.” 

“I love you.” Noel doesn’t know what else to say, but he wraps both arms around his father and squeezes. 

“I’m very loveable,” Kurt agrees, squeezing him back gently. 

“Dad.” He means it, he really does, and he wants Kurt to know that the support is so important to him. The idea that his dad is suggesting he’ll go to church with him is almost overwhelming him with emotions when he doesn’t have enough to spare. 

“I love you too.” Kurt tries again. “No matter what.” 

And Noel knows it’s true. 


	3. Duets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blaine plays his first big show, opening at Madison Square Gardens and things don't go as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place 10 years before The Rory Chronicles.

The scattered claps faded out with the final chords of his opening song.

“Thank you so much for having me out tonight!” Blaine called out to the crowd. It is a stadium, not a small coffee shop or dark bar and he can feel hundreds of eyes on him. His nervousness is like a rock in the pit of his stomach, but everything else is good and he is smiling at the crowd, truly happy to be here.

Here on stage are the blinding light he had been chasing. In the dark surrounding him he couldn’t see much anything but he knows that people are finding their seats and settling themselves in for an evenings entertainment. Something about that makes his blood rush and his heart sing.

He put down his guitar “For this next song, I’m going to relocate, if that’s okay with you.” Blaine doesn’t wait for a response, they’re not his crowd. He’s just the opening act, keeping them entertained until the main act comes on. Not that it makes him any less nervous to preform.

The piano bench is smooth and cool, echoing the feel of the keys under his finger. He can do this.

Until he can’t.

Fingers on keys stop halfway through a note, the discord sounds though a silent stadium. Hot embarrassment floods his cheeks. Failure.

“Papa!” The worried call comes from the wings where his family is watching him fumble. Blaine looks up in time to see a haggard Kurt catch Noel to keep him from running on stage.

Flashes of Noel playing on his toy keyboard as a baby while Blaine wrote this song, the smell of Kurt cooking Sunday dinner wafting through the room.

Noel sitting beside him, pleased as punch while Blaine showed him how to play the scales as a toddler.

And the memory from few hours earlier he and Noel playing this very song together for sound check.

This was their song. He had to do it again for his son. He looked up again and winked at Noel who had finally stopped fighting to get to Blaine and was being consoled by Kurt in hushed tones.

Blaine bent his head over mic. “Let’s try that one again. This is a song dedicated to my son, Noel, and this is his lullaby.”

The nerves melt out of him. He could do this. The crowd laughed off his fumble and Blaine tired to focus on the music.

Before he’s through the second bar it all goes wrong again. His fingers skip and jump over the keys, reaching just a little too far, overcorrecting.

He had flubbed his set. Blaine swallowed and let that sink in, blocking out the hush of the people watching.

There was a rush and a little body was climbing beside him and reaching for the mic.

“Excuse me, but my Papa needs me to play this song,” Noel said to the crowd earnestly. Blaine could practically feel their hearts melting at the confident little boy on stage.

Noel sat and looked up at him with big eyes waiting, hands at the ready. Everything good and calming about this little boy who had so much faith in him. Who had spent all day telling everyone backstage how great his Papa was. None of that had changed for him. Noel still thought his Papa was the best and he was there to help him play the song.

Blaine hesitated a moment to long and could see the doubt forming on Noel’s face. Blaine had no choice. He had to play this song with his son, on the biggest night of his career.

Two pairs of hands worked masterfully at the keys, just like they had practised. Something in Blaine’s voice soaring through the notes, echoed in parts by Noel. He looked out into the crowd as they finished and he could tell they’d made an impact by the awed hush from the crowd. They had done that. His son had done that. Blaine couldn’t be more proud of him.

“I love you Papa,” Noel told him, the soft words caught by the sound system and carried to the very corners of the building.

“I love you too, baby.” Blaine picked him so they could bow to the thunderous applause.

___________________________

**Featured on _The Daily Beast_  website the morning after (and their Tumblr complete with adorable gif). **

If you weren’t in the audience at Madison Square Gardens on Thursday night we’re here to inform you that your life is lacking in a heavy dose of adorable. 

Blaine Anderson, the opening act, charmed the sold out show with a classic piano duet with his son Noel. 

We’re dying of the cute just thinking about it, but check out the video capturing every sweet moment here. 

And if you know what’s good for you, you’ll download Blaine’s whole album because we’re pretty sure in a matter of months he’ll be selling out Madison Square Gardens all on his own. 

 

_Update to Article at 5:03pm - Our office fashion guru tells us that Mr. Anderson is married to one Mr. Kurt Hummel. Well we tip our hat to you sir, not only are your designs stellar, your husband is sex on a stick and sings like a dream._


	4. 10 Reasons Why Senior Year Would Have Been A Master Class in Disaster if Noel had gone back in time instead of Rory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Companion piece to The Rory Chronicles.

_1._  Sugar. Noel and Sugar have been waging a silent war of the wits since they were old enough to produce cognitive thought. They stand in a room and it’s suddenly a battlefield of charm and overblown confidence. Rory suspects it all started after she tried to marry him at a party when Noel was five and Noel turned her down in favour of Angie Cohen (Chang)-Chang. Or possibly when Sugar told Noel that his bow tie was dumb when Noel was four. Regardless the two of them couldn’t pair up if given a written instruction manual and gold stars for effort. 

 _2._  One Sue Sylvester. No one should ever want Noel around Coach Sue ever. This is for the same reason one doesn’t willingly pair tonnes of vinegar and baking soda all at once, or coke and mentos or gasoline and a thousandflamethrowers. It may seem like explosions are all fun and games in theory, the reality is that had Noel been there when Coach Sylvester announced that Burt had a baboon heart or that Kurt should never breed the school would not have survived due to Noels hyper over protectiveness.

Rory’s not sure who would have won. But he never, ever wants to find out.

(He also suspects that her constant remarks towards Kurt’s feminine characteristics would have set Noel ablaze in new and unforeseen ways. That nightmare is best left alone.)

 _3._ The fierce protectiveness Noel has of his parents. It should be the other way around, but it never has been. He’s their defender, their protector, slaying imaginary dragons of injustice. The mere presence of the homophobic undercurrent of William McKinley High School would have sent him into histrionics. Coach Sylvester was one thing, once you got use to her. But the hockey and football teams and those who throw slushies and words around as if they weighed nothing would have had Noel up in arms the second he stepped through the doors. Kurt’s relatively mild campaign platform against bullying would have been steamed rolled by a zero-tolerance policy that makes Dalton’s look tame by comparison. Noel doesn’t want suspensions and detentions. He demands lectures and essays, having spearheaded many campaigns that make the Bullywhips of McKinley yesteryear look like small potatoes. 

 _4._  The way he carries himself. Noel prides himself on how much he acts like Kurt despite his genetically Anderson persuasion. On a good day he can mirror Kurt in ways that are downright terrifying. Asking him to turn that off is like asking the sun to be a little less bright. Both will just result in an overblown glare.

 _5._  The fact that he can’t help but flirt with every female to cross his path (except Sugar, never Sugar). He would have charmed Quinn and swept Mercedes off her feet. The implications of dating people who will later become your figurative aunts is the stuff of paradoxical nightmares, but Noel would have done it regardless. Damsels in Distress or not, he loves a good flirt. What makes it worse it most people like to flirt right back due to his innate charm.

 _6._  Sebastian (or Chandler, or any time his parents had ever fought during senior year) would have made Noel would have go postal. He would have seen them as threatening to destroy everything either opposing force had ever held dear because Kurt and Blaine are forever and this usurper is merely a pretender to the throne. Rory thinks back on the dark days after the slushy incident and shudders to think what would have happened had Noel witnessed it. 

Rory could imagine this unfolding in three ways: 

A) Noel would have also jumped in front of the slushy and god knows how that would have turned out. 

B) Noel would have tackled Sebastian to the ground after the slushy was thrown and been arrested likely for assault.

C) Noel would have been the best little nursemaid ever and likely raised Kurt’s hackles. There’s, also, no telling what he would have let slip to a drugged up Blaine. 

 _7._  Which leads directly to the next reason. Noel has a big mouth. He would be the one to tell Rachel that telling Kurt to do Music of the Night is possibly the dumbest thing she’s ever said (and he has a list on his phone, literally entitled Shit Aunt Rachel Says). He wouldn’t have been subtle telling Kurt that not getting into NYADA doesn’t matter in fact it’s better for everyone because Kurt’s meant to go into fashion. Rory suspects at some point he would have realized that was a terrible idea and shut up, but likely not before recounting the first 4 years of Kurt’s life in New York City. 

 _8._  Food. Noel can barely survive Lima for the few sparse visits a year, most of those with home cooked meals. Months of fast-food and Breadstix would have caused him to go post-apocolyptic. He would have been begging for a canape or a bento box withing a month. He’s famous for making the home economics teacher in their New York Charter school cry. Rory can’t imagine what he’d have done to the poor old lady who runs the class at McKinley. 

 _9._  Noel is, unsurprisingly, a control freak. He’s led their Glee Club to victory 3 years running and between Mr. Schuester’s lax teaching style, Finn’s strange definition of leadership and Rachel’s ego, he might have staged a revolt. Scratch that. Had Noel been there, he would have joined the Troubletones, poached Kurt, Blaine, Tina and Mike to his team without so much as a blink and New Directions would never have made it to Sectionals, let alone to a National victory. 

 _10._  He would have sulked without his little sister there with him. They are almost as co-dependant as Rory and Noel are. It makes Kurt and Blaine laugh, since Noel never wanted a little sister in the first place, and Katy and Noel fight for dominance more often than not, but they love each other to death and he would die for her (and die without her there to change his wayward plans into solid actions). 


End file.
